My blood paints a new sunrise. I grapple with the future and my body. I feel disconnected from my body. I just think of my home in University Heights. When I hear that saying and the feelings of hope, when I look up the hill and see it. Like I can do anything.
I am afraid of what my own body is capable of. What I am capable of feeling. What I am capable of experiencing. I am releasing the shame that I have felt but I also feel like there is fear tying my organs together. I feel like the only reason I am a composite of a being is because there are these little strong typing my organs together and finding the puppet master at the beginning of my vocal chords. Maybe I am afraid of sex? Maybe I am afraid of loving someone else. Maybe there is a feeling of control I need. I am terrified of sex.
I feel like I am growing more confident and I really don’t know how to be a confident woman. I feel like I am told that I don’t deserve to be a confident woman. I feel like I am growing out of my roots. I feel like an impostor just floating around. A long time ago I wanted to be rooted in something. I am growing wings instead.
I need to be more exposed to different people. Who is growing?
I am person.
I am woman.